Satisfaction

            I go into the storage room, see the open bag of veggie straws, and without thinking, reach in and grab a few. My mind awakens by the sound of the salty crunch. Wait a second, I’m not supposed to eating these. These are for school snacks. … Uh oh. How many of these have I eaten already today? I look into the bag. There was about an inch’s worth left in the bottom of the bag. Goodness! The level of veggie straws has gone down noticeably! How did that happen? I’m still craving another crunch, but at that point, if I took much more the entire bag would be gone! I get aggravated that there is nothing to eat. Walking through the kitchen, past the large bowls of fruit and the fridge full of bread, cheese, meat, greens, rice, and more, and head to bed angry at my growling stomach.

            12:01 AM. I pop from my state of deep sleep into an upright position in my bed. Why did I do that, I wondered. Okay, not at midnight, but the next morning I was awed by how spoiled I was at my choice of foods and that I had gotten irritated that I couldn’t get the snack I wanted because it “tasted better.” It reminded me of my spiritual diet. Everyone’s soul is searching for something: affirmation, power, confidence, … veggie straws… peace, joy, something. So often we look for it in the wrong places, even more so with the rise of the internet. How many veggie straws have I eaten already? How often have I tried to find peace in my friends? How often have I tried to get wisdom by scrolling down pages of the internet? How many times have I looked for joy in a box full of fruity snacks or youtube? It tastes good, but each packet is so small and the more you eat, the more you are unsatisfied and the less tasty the gummy nothings are. And… yes, those are also only for school snacks.

            Slowly (or quickly,) the bag of veggie straws becomes empty. Eventually, you find yourself chewing on the empty fruity snacks box. What more is there to eat? Why am I still so hungry. Why do I feel so sick? Silas, you just ate an entire box of fruity snacks, why do you think you’re sick?!?! But I’ve forgotten the abundance of food just waiting for me in the fridge and all the apples and oranges sitting in the bowl pleading to be eaten…

There is food that satisfies, there is healthy spiritual food to eat; good fruits and vegetables. If I don’t give them a chance, I won’t see how my life get’s better or how my body gets stronger. When one understands that life is not designed to please him at every second and that things go wrong and that man is weak, then he realizes the importance of putting one’s faith and trust in God. We cannot do it on our own. If we always got what we wanted, how unsatisfied we would be. God wants us to turn to Him even in the mundane, He wants us to open up our stubborn hearts so that He can feed us. He says in His Word that He satisfies our desires with good things so that our youth is renewed like the eagles. (Psalm 103:5) It is His job as our Good Father.

              This is one thing I have been struggling with: accepting God’s goodness and allowing Him to fill me with His good things, but I will put my trust in Him, that He may give me the strength I need.